Ryan's Christmas Concert at Summit Centre

This afternoon, the Summit Centre for Preschool Children with Autism held their first ever Christmas Concert!  Thanks to the hard work, creativity, and determination of the staff, placement students, and Summit students, it was a great success!

 

the program we were given before the performance

 

set designed by staff and students



"Jingle Bells": Ryan did a great job shaking his bells!



"Must Be Santa": Ryan had a ". . . beard that's white" to hold up.

 

What I love about this video are all the smiles Ryan has. It shows me that he enjoys this song.  I also think it's funny that he starts petting/pulling on the cotton balls of his beard. Textures are fun!


Look at that smile! :)

"10 Little Elves"

 

Ryan is the cutest Christmas tree ever! 
(seen here with the Music Therapy student he loves)

"Frosty the Snowman"

 The twin brothers who played "Frosty" and "the Traffic Cop" are too cute!

"Rockin' Around the Christmas Tree"

ready to do "The Reindeer Pokey"

 Ryan liked the part where "you turn yourself around" (although Cristal had to guide him a bit). ;)

 

Cristal helping Ryan put his "right hoof in"

Ryan was "C" for Christmas in "A Christmas Poem"

The final "S" was a total surprise for the kids: Santa!



Ryan liked Santa's beard (he kept trying to pull on it), but he was pretty tired after that exciting performance. :) 

A special thank you to senior therapist, Tara, who has been encouraging Summit Centre to do a Holiday Concert for a while now.  As a mom, I can say it warmed my heart to see my little guy involved in this festive activity.  It was wonderful. It was adorable.  I'm sure it was lots of work, but I hope this turns into an annual event! :)

Considering School Registration for Ryan . . . !

First of all, I just noticed that it's been almost 2 months since my last post. Wow.  I guess life at home has been busier than I imagined it would be! I can't even fathom being at work right now! Overall, it's been a great experience so far. I am so much more happy, healthy, relaxed, and focused on the needs of myself and my family.

But anyways, on to the main reason for this post.

Plans to Register Ryan for Junior Kindergarten

So, on Thursday afternoon, Ryan's senior therapist from Summit Centre, Tara, asked if I had a few moments to chat.  (Thursdays are now therapy-at-home-days, so of course I was available.)  She then proceeded to ask what my thoughts/plans were about enrolling Ryan in school.  I told her quite honestly that I'd been thinking about it a lot, was generally uncertain as to the best course, and had been planning to ask her advice at our monthly parent-therapist meeting. 

Now, in my thoughts, I did not see Ryan as being anywhere near ready to be enrolled in school.  I fully expected him to be full-time at Summit Centre for another year, skip JK, and enter his SK year (which would be September 2015).  You see, my concern is how much assistance he needs for even the most basic skills.  He is just learning to feed himself with a spoon, just beginning programs to learn drinking from a cup, has no real functional mode of communicating his needs/wants/thoughts, we haven't even begun potty training, and we have no clear idea of where he is cognitively.  We just know he has moderate-to-severe autism with global developmental delays. How could he possibly survive in the barely structured chaos of a JK/SK classroom?

But Tara (and other senior staff at Summit Centre) believe we should get ready to enrol Ryan for JK classes this coming year (Fall 2014).  Here's why, and I think once I saw her reasoning, I'm pretty convinced now:

• Ryan will be over four and a half by the Fall. Chronological age-wise, he'll be at a good age to enter JK.
• Ryan is making steady gains at Summit Centre. His progress is in small steps, but continually moving forward, and at a rate that has surprised them.
• They suggest we enrol him part-time for the first year (JK). We're not sure what this will look like yet. It might involve starting in October or November, when school routines have settled more; it may be for only a few days a week; it may be only mornings or only afternoons. The key reason they want to start him in 2014, and do it part-time, is so that he can still get the intensive therapy and support from Summit Centre. It also gives them a year-long transition period for everyone (Summit Centre, the school, and us) to figure out what needs to be done to best meet Ryan's needs.  It will give everyone plenty of time to ease into the situation and plan together for Ryan's future.

Looking at it from that perspective, then, I agree that part-time enrolment for Fall 2014 is the way to go.  Otherwise, if we wait till 2015, Ryan will age out of Summit Centre's program within about 3 months of starting school, and we'd lose that support.  Doing it the way we're planning now, he'll get this full year of full-time at Summit, a full-year of part-time Summit and school next year, and then a few months of Summit support as he moves into SK in 2015.

So, why are we talking about this now? Well, if you have little ones, then you know school registration for the next year is in February.  That's only 3 months away, and with the holidays in between, it will be here before we know it! 

In fact, I am glad I went with my gut instincts and attended or signed up for some school-related information sessions this year.  About a month ago, I went to one about IPRC and IEPs.  I had wanted to understand why they haven't done these for Kevin (I do now--it was very informative), and to prepare for when the times comes for Ryan. He will definitely be needing these. I also recently signed up for a school-entry information session, specifically for parents of children with special needs, which is taking place in January. 

I am going in informed this time! Unfortunately, we didn't get Kevin's formal diagnosis until he was 4 and a half, and already a month into school.  This means I've been struggling to understand how to get the services he needs and the best ways to approach any issues that arise.  I am learning now.  I will be ready and armed with knowledge to ensure that Ryan gets everything he needs in his school experience! I will also have Summit Centre's transition support behind us for over a year, which is awesome.

Like I said, I do have fears and concerns.  My main concern is how much one-on-one care Ryan will need. With all the cutbacks to EAs (Educational Assistants) and how they are generally one to a group of children in a classroom, how well will Ryan's extensive needs be met? Tara agrees with me, there is no question: Ryan must have one-on-one support. 

So, when the time for paperwork arrives in February, I'm going to be very explicit and contacting the school immediately to discuss planning.  I know they will do a formal meeting in May (that's the time of year they do all the special-needs meetings for next year, including Kevin's).  However, I'm going to be in their ear constantly until I get things set up the way I want them! I need to learn to be more assertive and proactive. 

So, what's Ryan been up to?

Where do I begin? I've had the opportunity to observe Ryan at Summit Centre 3 times in October and once so far in November.  Plus, this month we started Thursday home-therapy days, so every Thursday he's doing therapy here at home with the people from Summit.  This has given me plenty of opportunities to observe the work they do with Ryan, and also see how he's progressed in these programs.  Maybe I'll go point-form to get as many of my thoughts down as quickly as I can remember them:

• Music Therapy: Every Monday afternoon, Ryan has music therapy.  Last month, I got an opportunity to go and observe this because I'd been hearing how much Ryan enjoys it. There is a wonderful young man who is a Music Therapy student from the University of Windsor. He comes in and works one-on-one for about 20 minutes with some of the children.  He's made a connection with Ryan in particular, and in fact, even asked if he could do a project based on the work he's doing with Ryan. I agreed, of course! Ryan loves music therapy.  The day I was there, Ryan had a rough afternoon, but he got very excited when the student strummed his guitar and sang.  He signed for "more." He wanted to strum the guitar. He was shaking shakers, tambourines, and bells after someone modeled it and gave him the instructions.  He tapped on a drum when shown and instructed. He even tried some "singing" (imitating vowel and consonant sounds), and they got a few good attempts. And that was on a rough day! 
• Eating:  Some of you may have seen my recent videos on Facebook. Ryan is doing really well using his spoon to feed himself.  Yes, it can get messy. He also needs reminders to put his spoon back in the bowl to get more.  But he's basically feeding himself independently, and enjoying it!  In terms of types of foods, he is starting to enjoy crunchy foods now.  He chows down on the Heinz toddler biscuits.  We also discovered, this week, that he likes Ritz Bitz snacks! Whenever he shows an interest in someone's snack, I've given Summit permission to let him try some.  Thankfully, the Summit Staff is quite glad to share. ;)
• Drinking: One of Ryan's programs this month has been drinking his milk from a cup.  In just a few weeks, he's gone from refusing the cup, to a tiny cup, to letting them put it to his lips, to a bigger cup, and now taking sips from a cup with help. The biggest change is, he wants it!  On Thursday, his therapist was trying to reinforce him between sips, but he kept reaching for the cup! He wanted more milk from the cup! So, I just got the okay to start this program with him at home. Exciting! He is also, occasionally, accepting water from a bottle or cup.
• Homework: Some parts of his homework, he loves. For example, brushing his teeth: a month ago, we could barely put the brush to his teeth. Now, he holds it, chews on it, lets me brush around a bit, and sips water from a cup (with help). Of course, this is because of the natural reinforcement of the running water in the sink. ;) Similarly, we've discovered a natural reinforcement for "walking down stairs."  For this, Ryan puts one hand on the banister, holds another person's hand on the other side, and walks smoothly down the stairs.  He's doing great! The natural reinforcement is that he gets to go downstairs all the time now, and he never used to go down there, so it's new and exciting to him.  Plus, we have the big train table down there and a few glider chairs that he likes.  He also stops at the top of the stairs now (showing safety awareness!) which is a big relief.
• Waving Hello and Bye-Bye:  He's getting good at this. It helps that at pick up and drop off every day, he's waving to me and his therapists. Get his attention and say the words and wave, and he usually gives you a good wave back.  I noticed he's generalized this well with Daddy and his Gram and Papa, too. He often waves hello and bye-bye for them in response to their greetings and farewells.
• Imitations:  A key to Ryan's learning is doing imitations.  And wow, he's doing great. Admittedly, I've seen the most progress in his structured programs when we're doing homework or he's working with his therapists. Just say, "Ryan, do this!" and raise your arms up high, clap, wave, pat the table, etc., and he'll do it.  I had to laugh, though, because the other day, I was clapping a pair of shoes together the dirt off, and he started clapping his hands!
• Pointing to Request: Well, this one continues to be a challenge, but I bring it up because there has been progress (and an unexpected generalization last night!).  The idea is to hold an object Ryan wants close to him, ask, "What do you want?" and he has to point or touch, but not grab.  At school, they just moved from them holding the object and him pointing to it (which he was doing great at) to putting it on the table and having him point to it.  Well, now that he's got free access, he just grabs it most times. As this program expanded only a few days ago, it's not a concern yet.  The good news is, at home, I got a few good points recently. One night, I was blowing bubbles, and after a few grab-corrections, I got about 4 good point requests in a row!  The best was last night though. I got a totally spontaneous point request! It was bedtime, and I was cleaning up toys in the living room. Ryan was sitting on the rocking chair.  I walked by with his ball (to put it in the bin), and he reached out and pointed to it--extended index finger and all! I was so excited, he immediately got that ball and extra playtime! :)
• Reading: I've only seen him do this with the therapists, but he will sit in their lap and listen to them read a book.  Moreover, he will sometimes point to an object when asked, i.e., "Ryan, point to the boy!" Um, at home he likes to pull out books, but chew on them. LOL
• Puzzles/Shape Sorters/Stacking Rings: These are things we did during Unity, but he kind of lost the skills. Now, they're back. :) He's doing a three-piece chunky puzzle, putting shapes into their holes, and removing and replacing stacking rings.  He isn't generalizing yet--it has to be the specific puzzle/sorter/stacker they use for his program, but that's okay. It's all about building those skills.  Generalization comes later.
• Looking/Eye Contact:  Ryan is doing really well responding to his name when we/they call it. He has to make eye contact with the person saying his name.  He is also starting to look at different objects when directed.  The other day when I went to observe, they had a scavenger hunt outside at recess, and I was pleased to see Ryan looking in the direction his therapist was pointing, at trees, cars, flowers, etc.
• Give it to me/Put it in/Clean up: These are some things Ryan is working on in his programs, and I've seen it start to carry over to home.  They will put an object on the table and say, "Ryan, give it to me," and he will pick up the object and hand it to them.  A few times, Ryan's had something he shouldn't, and I've held out my hand and said, "Ryan, give it to me," and he has!  "Put in" is an interesting one.  The therapists have two small bins and a small object on the table.  They tell Ryan to "put in" while pointing specifically to one of the two baskets.  A lot of the times, he puts the object in the correct basket now. My favourite, though, is "clean up" . . . LOL Of course, I like that he's starting to learn to put toys into bins and pieces in their holders/boxes.  We usually have to model a few times and do a little hand-over-hand helping, but he'll start putting pieces away independently after a few tries.  This is a new one at home, though.  I look forward to training another child to clean up after himself. 2 out of 3 is not bad. (I've given up hope on Kevin . . . just kidding. But getting him to clean up is painful!)

There is so much more, but I can't think of it all right now!

Speaking of "more," I'll add that sign is firmly established now.  It's his go-to when he wants anything.  We see spontaneous "more" consistently now. He uses more for food, for toys, for interactions, for playing . . . He signs "more" to Andrea and Kevin when they're running around being silly, and he thinks it's funny, and he wants them to keep going!

The only other sign I've seen him use a few times at home is "milk," and it's always when the bottle is already in sight. They say he uses it a lot more at Summit. Still, it's neat to see him spontaneously (and correctly!) generalizing a sign.

Looking Ahead

What's next for Ryan? Well, like I mentioned earlier, we are starting the drink-from-a-cup program at home.  We've also discussed beginning some skill-building eventually leading to potty training, like him beginning to help with removing his clothes, and showing indications his diaper's uncomfortable, or seeing how long he can "hold it" (for an hour, at least?). 

We're still not sure where we're going with communication.  In Music Therapy and Play Therapy, they are trying to get him to imitate some vowel and consonant sounds.  There haven't been any amazing breakthroughs, but we do see he's trying. You can see him moving his lips, playing with breath sounds, etc. Also, having him point to and pick up objects, those programs can eventually lead to some kind of augmentative communication system, whether electronic or a picture exchange systems (PECS). It's still early in the year, but he's making steady progress, so who knows what he'll do next? :)

One thing that I think is kind of fun is that the Summit Centre is having their first ever Christmas Concert this year! It will only be about 20 minutes long, but they are planning to do some songs and skits, have music and props, and costumes.  I caught a glimpse of some of the things they're practicing when I was in for observation the other day.  I'm not sure how well they'll tolerate costumes and use props, and my non-verbal guy won't be singing, but it doesn't matter.  They deserve to have a concert like other preschool kids, and most of them enjoy music like Ryan does. It should be cute! :)

My Answer to the "Slogan" Challenge

I wanted to use the idea of unity. But we also come with many different experiences and perspectives.  However, we all have the common goal of wanting the best for people who  have Autism. Therefore, we need to find a way to stay connected despite our unique viewpoints and situations.

Then, I also wanted it to be clearly related to Autism.  There are powerful, conflicting responses to discussions in any community that is so personally and emotionally invested in a cause.  The well-known symbol related to Autism is the puzzle pieces.

I think puzzle pieces work as an excellent symbol on many levels here.  A puzzle is made up of many different pieces, and each one is unique.  If you want to complete the puzzle, all the pieces must join together. If any piece does not connect properly with the others, something is missing, and the overall picture is lost.

Just so in the Autism community. Everyone involved is allowed to have their unique perceptions. But we must respect them all equally and work together, or else all of our goals for enhancing the lives of those touched by Autism will not be achieved. 

It's only been 2.5 weeks, and so much has happened already! There's lots to update!

I know, long title.  But so much has been going on with the kids and myself that I've been too tired to update! Overall, things are going really well. I think we're all finding our new "groove."

So let me try to organize this update with some subheadings. :)

Ryan and Summit Centre

Ryan just started his third full week at Summit Centre.  It seems to be a good fit. Already we are seeing some great things:

• He was afraid of the stairs at home because he'd had a bad fall. There is a big flight of stairs at SC to get in/out.  They have been assisting Ryan to get more confident going up and down them.  At first he had one person beside him and one helping from behind. NOW he goes both up and down the stairs confidently, holding the railing with one hand and a helper's hand on the other side.  He's doing this at home, too!
• Ryan is much more attentive to his name. This is one of the programs they are doing with him.  They reinforce him if he makes eye contact when they call his name.  I've noticed at home, when I call his name, even softly, he almost always looks over at me. That's a huge improvement!
• He has waved hello and bye-bye a couple of times without physical prompts.  This is another program they are doing, responding to greetings and farewells.  He usually gives more of a high-five when you wave hello to him (but at least he almost always acknowledges it if you're close by).  I have seen him do an independent bye-bye twice this week: once for me when I dropped him off at SC (he kind of did it as he was walking away--over his shoulder--too funny), and the other time, he waved bye-bye to Grandma from inside the van!
• He is more interested in feeding himself.  He will grab for the spoon if I take too long to feed him, and he tolerates hand-over-hand feeding assistance very well.
• He is trying to communicate more. He is making much more eye contact with me.  And the gestures . . . my goodness: reaching, patting, touching, signing "more," tapping his chest, rubbing his belly, etc.  I don't know what most of these mean, but I know he's trying to tell me something!
• He is responding to some commands well, too. "Sit down/on your bum" and "come here/come see Mama" are going especially well. He responds accurately most of the time.  I know they are working on "stand up/sit down/come here" with him at Summit. At home, I think he's also catching on to "close it": he's always getting into cupboard and drawers, and I'd say about 60% of the time, he responds appropriately when I encourage him or give him a little prompt.

Unfortunately, we've had our challenges, too. Last week, they finished a lot of Ryan's baseline tests, and began putting together his first serious programming.  On Thursday evening, he was a wreck when he got home.  I believe I described him as "an overloaded, short-circuited little robot with a malfunction."  He was stimming non-stop, and it was not "happy" or "excited" stimming.  He was clearly dealing with anxiety and overstimulation and just could not soothe himself.  He was running from living room to kitchen and back, repetitively, for almost an hour, squealing and humming and opening/closing his right hand (all at once).  Then he sat down and wailed because he was exhausted, but nothing would settle him.  He wouldn't eat well.  He slapped at his ears, chest, and belly. He rocked on the floor.  At his most overwhelmed, he stood in the middle of the living room and grimaced at me, tapping his head, then chest, then flapping his hands, then signalling for "more," then screaming in frustration.  It was heartbreaking. Neither Rod nor I could figure out what he wanted, what he was so clearly trying to tell us. I almost started to cry (I'm getting weepy remembering how helpless I felt!).  We tried everything: rocking chair, cuddles, lullabies, soothing massage, pressure, bottle, diaper change, leaving him alone, shutting off lights and TV (sensory overload?), and none of it worked.  Finally, at 10:15 PM, Daddy loaded Ryan into the car and drove him around for about 20 minutes, until he fell asleep. We've never had to do that with any of our children before.  It was so sad.

Ryan's next day was a bit rough, too, though thankfully not as bad.  He had a fussy afternoon at SC (when he's usually "happy"), and did the running/squealing/right-hand-flapping for a half-hour straight when he got home. Then he sat on his little couch and flapped, rocked, and tapped a certain spot on the couch for another fifteen minutes.  Eventually, although he still had fussy periods that evening, the stimming slowed, and he went to sleep by about 9:30.

The weekend was better (I think because he got a break).  He was generally happy [x2e2xwwd 21nbvcxza--HEY, RYAN, GET AWAY FROM MY KEYBOARD!] and there was less self-regulatory stimming.  I did notice that he started grinding his teeth again after he had stopped for a few months (ugh).  Daddy also discovered that snuggling and pressure can help settle Ryan when he's tired and won't nap.  Yesterday, he took Ryan in to our bed and laid him on his belly, with his head on a body pillow and the pillow going down his side.  Then Rod laid next to him on his side, hugging his back, and draping a leg over Ryan's lower body.  (I am writing this in detail because I don't want to forget how he did it. It worked well!) After about 15 or 20 minutes, Ryan fell asleep.  I think I need to look into getting Ryan some weighted blankets (but they are expensive--grr).  Some children with autism really benefit from them, and I think he'd be one of those children.

My First Parent-Therapist Meeting

So, today I went to my first official meeting with Ryan's senior therapist. Ideally, we'll do this at least once a month to discuss his progress, issues, programs, my questions, and yes, homework! This morning's meeting was quite intense because it was the first one, and I was shown how everything works. I saw Ryan's program binder which includes things like notes for staff that are specific to Ryan's needs and behaviours, his daily routine, and his actual programs and data they've started to collect. I can't remember everything we discussed today, but I'll try to give some details here before I forget it all! One overall theme is that Ryan's programs are very functional in nature.  We need to get him doing the basics first: attention, imitation, and play skills. These are what his speech therapist from Children First calls "the pre-language fundamentals," and we have to get these mastered before we can do other learning.  There is also a major focus on building daily living skills.

I guess here's as good a place as any for me to outline his homework (again, as much for myself as you!).  It's all a carry-over of programs he's doing at SC into our home.  Technically, we'll start formally doing and recording homework on October 1, but we can start practicing some of these items now. Tara (his senior therapist) said to aim for about 5 minutes of 3-4 of the skills each day; of course, more doesn't hurt, and less sometimes happens given life's interruptions (and don't we know that!).

Homework Programs

1. Tooth Brushing: Do this is the bathrrom, standing on a stool, at the sink (see 4.) Put a tiny dab of toothpaste on his brush. Touch it to his front teeth. He gets reinforcement as soon as he allows this.  Then touch it to his front teeth again. Reinforce when he accepts the action. Only touch his teeth two times for now.
2. Signing "More": Pick an object/activity that he will strongly desire and will want to have "more." May need to have a second person doing elbow prompts from behind if he is not responding to the stimulus.
3. Pointing to Request: Offer him one object that he will strongly desire.  He must touch--NOT grab--the item to receive it. When he reaches and touches with hand, form fingers into a point by folding down bottom three fingers on his hand.
4. Stepping up using a Stool: Do this in natural (incidental) situations, for example, washing hands at the sink, getting into the van [SC knows we are working on this strategy with Ryan's physiotherapist from Children First], etc.  For using the sink, note that at SC they now only have to prompt him by having the stool in front of the sink, putting his hands on the edge of the sink, and turning on the water; however, we may have to backtrack a step or two at home, first.
5. Using a Spoon (independently): Of course, use natural opportunities (mealtimes). However, only hand-over-hand when the bowl is nearly empty, and then encourage Ryan to try and do the last few spoonfuls independently.  (They have found at SC if they begin too early he becomes tired and loses interest. I see that at home, too.)

Some Other Programs Ryan has at SC

• As previously mentioned, responding appropriately to greetings: wave hello/good-bye; responding to his name by making eye contact; responding appropriately to commands of "stand up"/"sit down"/"come here".
• When a therapist points to an object and instructs him to do so, Ryan will pick up and hold that object for a few seconds.
• When a therapist tells him to "give me" a specific object, he will hand it over.
• Use a shape sorter toy properly.  Put in at least three shapes correctly and with minimal prompting. 
• Use a chunky puzzle properly. Put in the three pieces correctly and with minimal prompting.
• Scribble with a marker/pencil/crayon.  He will pick it up when instructed and make at least one scribbled line on the paper. (He is doing this well already.)
• Imitations/Gross Motor: clapping, rolling a ball, kicking a ball. 
• Participating in Circle:  He only does the last 5 minutes of the two circle times a day. Eventually, this will be increased as his tolerance and comfort level increases. Most circle participation/actions are hand-over-hand prompted right now. Lots of reinforcement for sitting nicely and paying attention.
• Language:  This is interesting.  During constructive play, they are simply monitoring and recording any sounds or vocalizations Ryan makes.  Eventually, once we see what he can already do, we hope to shape those into some word approximations! They are also incorporating clear, simple language into every interaction with him, just like we have always done.

They also know not to push him too hard. They aware of the difficulties he had last week and are trying to make a good balance of "program time" and "down time" for Ryan.

I know there's probably more, but that's all I can remember for now. :)

My next meeting there is actually on Oct. 9, but that is going to be a joint team meeting between SC Staff and Children First staff, to sort out what speech, physio, and other services are going to look like for Ryan and to co-ordinate the programming between the two providers for consistency for Ryan. That is going to be interesting; I'm especially excited for them to make plans regarding the path for Ryan's speech therapy/communication.

I'll also start going in for 2 hours a month and the occasional half-day session starting in October, to follow Ryan and his therapists around and observe them in action. :)

Mommy's New Role at Summit Centre

Okay, I can announce this since I officially found out this morning:  I'm the new Parent Representative on the Summit Centre's Board of Directors. Admittedly, a few weeks ago, I didn't even know they had a Board of Directors (well, never really though about it)! But then I was approached by some of the executive staff and asked if I'd consider volunteering for the position, since the current Parent Rep. has left.  They felt I was a good candidate. I was flattered (but nervous), and took time to do some research into what is expected from a Board of Directors for a Non-Profit Organization. And yes, it's complicated, very full of legalities to consider, etc.  But I also knew that I'd love to help out this organization that has done so much for my family, through therapy, teaching, counseling, groups, etc.  Furthermore, it would give me more insight into how this organization works behind the scenes.  Their only concern, since they know me pretty well now, was if I'd be comfortable "speaking up" at meetings (you know I'm introverted!). However, when it comes to my kids,  I am growing in my confidence as a "voice" and an advocate for all 3 of them. If it affects my children, I will definitely speak up!  So, I put in a resume and cover letter for them to peruse, and at their meeting on Thurdsay night, they voted me in!

I will be attending my first meeting as a Board Member (how official and daunting!) sometime in late October.  First, I'll be meeting with the Executive Director of SC for an in-take orientation to the Board and how it runs, get a procedural binder, learn to interpret some financial statements, learn a bit about the other board members and their roles, etc. I got a quick briefing this morning when I paused to ask her about the Board's decision. :) 

So this is another leap out of my comfort zone that I hadn't foreseen, but I'm excited about it! Being a parent with two young boys on opposing ends of the Autism Spectrum, I think I'll have some unique perceptions to add to the Board on behalf of the parents and students.

A Challenge!

At tonight's Summit Centre parents' group meeting, I brought  up my mixed emotions about Autism and politically-correct ideas/terminology. There has been a lot of debate, online, about postings from Autism-related groups that are meant to be uplifting and inspiring, but there always seems to be people arguing over the language used/ideas presented. Here's one example:  Is it okay to say, "My autistic child?" Should I instead say, "My child who lives with Autism/My child who has Autism?" I won't go into the details here, but we had a great discussion, and the SC's Clinical Director presented me with a challenge: Create a new slogan to boil down our feelings in to one catchy phrase that will overcome all the bickering over terminology and perceptions of the condition in the community of people who parent/care for/work with/advocate for those who have/live with Autism. 

The general consensus we came to is this:  If we fight amongst ourselves,  no one benefits.  As the famous saying goes, "Divided we fall." The only way we can bring about the best possible situations for our children is by staying united (in our little group, thankfully, we are). Now I have to come up with an exceptional slogan to embody these sentiments. The Clinical Director flattered me by calling me a "talented writer," but gave me this challenge in front of the group--"No pressure!"--and now I can't stop mulling it over. I did ask that she give me at least a few weeks. LOL

Andrea and Kevin/Meet the Teachers Night

On Thursday night, we had a "Meet the Teachers" ice cream social event at Andrea and Kevin's school. We went as a family. It was a good chance for their teachers to meet all five of us, and for us to meet them.

We talked to Kevin's teacher first. Kevin had said he wasn't going to talk to anyone and wouldn't point out his teacher, but when we got up to her, she was so sweet with him that he opened right up and started chatting away!  When he had lost interest, we had a brief chat about how he's been doing. Overall, things are going okay.  Academically, he's doing great. He enjoys the new structure.  However, he does have anxiety almost every morning. He often gets upset and/or cries when I drop him off at school. Mrs. Boutros says she often has to calm his anxieties when he first arrives, and then the rest of the day is fine.  Apparently, he's very afraid that grade 1 will be too hard and he can't do it! She keeps reminding him that he's been doing fine so far, and it always turns out to be a good day. I've been saying the same thing to him!  We're not sure why he's so anxious in the mornings, but he usually settles in.

That particular day, Kevin had an incident of lashing out and calling classmates "stupid." She said she had talked with him, and I gave her a little more back story I heard Kevin confide in Andrea about the incident (someone had knocked him over, but he didn't see who did it).  I also explained how "stupid" is Kevin's word for any thing/person/situation that really frustrates or overwhelms him, and we're trying to eliminate it from his vocabulary and teach him other ways to vent his frustrations.

Mrs. Boutros thought Ryan was adorable, and tried to get his attention, but he was too excited by all the noise and activity around us: everyone was in the gym. :)

When we got to speak to Andrea's teacher, it was again Kevin who piped up first!  Mrs. Ryckman started asking him if he knew her name (he didn't), but she reminded him about how they'd met before.  Then she told us that Andrea's had a "great start," she has "no concerns," she "enjoys having her in the class," and basically just to contact her anytime if we had questions. It was short and sweet.

I would say Andrea is managing her anxiety much better so far this year.  She seems to have more close friends.  Homework time is still a major challenge, and comes with frequent emotional meltdowns, but it's still an improvement from last year's nightly meltdowns.  Andrea's also happy because her teacher won a subscription to an online math game program for the class, called Reflex Math,  so they get to go on the computers a lot for their math.  And Andrea loves computer games! :)

Okay, I think that's all the update for now. I'll just sit back and take a breather after this marathon blog entry. ;)

Oh, wait . . .

 

The Summit Centre's Grounds 

I did have a few pictures I've taken over the past week or so of SC's grounds.  I think they are lovely.  There is a large front lawn with gardens and trees and arbors and pathways. The building itself is historical; I believe it was once a convent/school. There is a metal sculpture of nuns and children on the front lawn. I can't explain it, but it just feels welcoming and homey to me. It's just turned from Summer to Fall, so the grounds aren't in their full summer glory, but lots of flowers are still in bloom.

I also wanted everyone to have a visual of this place where amazing things happen. :)

Summit Centre

a view across the front lawn

a peek into the garden paths

(I think you can click on the pictures to see a larger view if you wish.)

First Week of School

Well, it's been a hectic week!  Andrea started Grade 3, Kevin started Grade 1, and Ryan did his first two days at Summit Centre. Overall, things have been going well.

On the first day, everyone was pretty nervous. Kevin and Andrea didn't want to go to school because they were anxious about all the unknowns, and I was preoccupied with trying to sort out our new school-days routine.  Ryan was confused because he didn't get to leave with Daddy and the older two kids like usual, so he got a bit upset when they went out the door without him.

Ryan Begins Summit Centre

Ryan's first day at Summit Centre (SC) went surprisingly well. 

We got there a little bit early because I had to drop off a bin and a whole bunch of supplies and notes to help him settle in there. When we arrived at SC, Ryan was in a good mood.  He was eager to get into the centre and go exploring.  We found Tara (his senior therapist), and she kept an eye on Ryan while I went out to bring in his supplies.  He went right to her, and then went to check out toys in the gross motor room.  When I came back in, Jen, his team leader therapist, was there.  She and Tara would be with him in the morning, and another team member would take over in the afternoon. (The children always have one therapist in the morning and a different one for the afternoon shift.) When I was talking to Tara and Jen, Ryan got tired of waiting around, so he kept taking off and running away!  Tara was amazed at how much speed he's gained since she last worked with him in April! LOL I assured them he would give them a workout if he's in the mood to run.  Then I said good-bye, and off they went to begin his day.

When I went to pick him up at 3:15, he was in a great mood. (It's nice because they walk the kids right from the front door to their parents' cars, parked in the cul-de-sac out front.)  Tara said he'd had a pretty good day!  We get a communication book that has simple but detailed notes and check-box ratings about Ryan's general mood, attention, programming, circle time, etc. each day. Jen wrote that Ryan had "excellent" attention and eye contact, and sat well ("good") for circle time. Programming was "average-good" and there were few problem behaviours ("good"). They helped him eat his snack hand-over-hand (HOH) and he tolerated that well, but he did not want to eat his cereal at lunch time.

His afternoon was spent with Lora.  She wrote that he fell asleep 10 minutes after lunch break.  They had to wake him up at 2:00, so he could have some more quality programming time before going home. I guess that first morning was a lot to take in, so he was ready for his nap! After waking Ryan up, they went and joined the last part of circle time. Then they did some structured play time with large Legos and a Pooh Bear music toy. 

The amount of nap time--about an hour--was perfect.  It was just enough to refresh Ryan but still have him tired enough to have a reasonable bedtime at home (just after 9:00). 

On Wednesday he had a day off because he doesn't start full time until next week (Monday).  We spent the day cleaning house, playing, visiting at Gram and Papa's, going for a walk, and chauffeuring his siblings to and from school.

Yesterday was his second day at school.  It was the first day I started the routine of dropping off the older kids at their school first, and then bringing Ryan to SC.  I decided to try taking Riverside Drive to SC after dropping off Andrea and Kevin because I thought we'd get to SC too early.  Ha!  I am learning about before-and-after-school traffic patterns in our city, let me tell you!  I left Lassaline (Andrea and Kevin's school) at 8:25 and didn't get to SC until 9:05! Oops! I  guess the Expressway is the better option, even if it gets Ryan to SC a bit early, and I have to go in and monitor him myself until 9:00.

It wasn't a big deal, though.  Sheena, Ryan's morning therapist, was quite understanding when I explained about testing out the various driving routes. Besides, Thursdays are much quieter at SC; most of the children have home programming on Thursdays. (Ryan's won't start for another month or two until they get his programming at SC sorted out.) Only one other student was there with Ryan. 

Ryan had another "good" morning in all areas.  Sheena said they "had fun together" in the gross motor room and using the wagon during play time.  He ate his snack well, but refused lunch. (?)  However, his mood was "good."

In the afternoon, he was with Jen again.  He got "good" in all areas and an "excellent" for circle time.  She tried to get him to nap, but he wouldn't. She said he kept laying down, then "popping up"! His general mood was "happy."

I managed to keep Ryan awake, although he was tired, until about 9:30 last night. That way, he slept through the night.

Overall, his first two days were way better than I expected. I am very pleased. I'm also looking forward to going in and doing my first observation day in a few weeks. I asked how long I should wait before starting those, to let him get settled, and they said I could come in another week or two if things keep going well. ;)

Andrea and Kevin's First Days Back

As I mentioned before, Andrea was nervous for her first day, but she ended up enjoying it. For the first day, Daddy took the kids in and stayed with them for a bit, because it takes time to get the children sorted into their classes.

Andrea came home quite pleased. She got the grade 3 teacher that she wanted (although she said both were fine, she did prefer Mrs. Ryckman).  She has some of her best friends from last year in her class. And she didn't get any homework yet, which was her favourite part!

Kevin was less certain when I picked him up. He was a bit overwhelmed by all the changes. He said he had a kind of bad day with some good things.  He was happy he had a friend, Jacob, in his class again.  He liked that Mrs. Lauzon (his favourite ECE from last year) came to visit him a few times throughout the day. He also like that he got to go to the BOT (Back on Track) room a bunch of times to settle down when things got to be too much for him.  His teacher is Mrs. Boutros, and he said his classroom EA is Mrs. B., but I'm not sure who that is yet. He did not enjoy the assembly (he never does--too many people, too much noise). He was also confused by some colouring activity they had to do, and said he had to redo it, and it made him upset.  However, he did like that now he's a grade 1, he got to use the "climber" (outdoor play structure). He also kept saying, "I think if I keep going back a little more, I'll get a little more used to it each time, and like it more." I encouraged this attitude although I strongly suspect a teacher or EA was the one who put it in his mind. ;)

There was some confusion at the end of the day in terms of picking up Andrea and Kevin. I had given notes for the principal and their teachers asking/explaining that I needed them to be dismissed 10 minutes before the bell in order to be out in the West End on time to pick up Ryan, whose program times are NOT flexible.  When I got to the school's main entrance/office, the kids weren't there. However, the principal spotted me, and remembering me from our transition meeting for Kevin in the spring, she beckoned me into her office. She said she'd received my letter, and that the arrangement was fine. She was very understanding about my complicated situation.  When I finished speaking with her, the first dismissal bell had rung, and still my kids weren't out. I had to wait to ask the secretary (who was swamped with first-day inquiries from parents) to page Andrea and Kevin's teachers to release them. Well, she only paged Andrea's! So, Andrea came out alone, and I sent her right back in, saying, "Go get your brother, please! You know where he is. [Their school is open concept.] We have the principal's permission to go.  We have to get Ryan!" She obediently disappeared and returned a few minutes later towing Kevin, who looked confused and irritated, behind her. By now, the second dismissal bell had rung. It was 2:55!  We had to run out to the parking lot, load into the van, squeeze through traffic that had blocked me in the parking lot, watch out for students and buses, and finally, race down the Expressway!

We ended up being about 7 minutes early to pick up Ryan. But I openly admit to aggressive driving. LOL

As we waited for Ryan to be brought out to the car, I explained the new routines to Andrea and Kevin. In the morning, I will drop them off at school, then take Ryan to SC. In the afternoon, they MUST be ready to go at 2:45, in the front lobby, so I can pick them up, and we can go get Ryan on time. (I later found out their teachers hadn't received my note until the after school on the first day.)

Pick up has gone much more smoothly since the first day. Well, except that on Wednesday Kevin expected I would be there the instant he came into the front lobby, and he was early. When I got there, I was confronted by an angry Kevin and a sympathetic principal. Apparently, he and Andrea came out together and when Kevin didn't see me right away, he tried to run out the door (flight risk--ugh). When Andrea tried to stop him, he had a screaming fit. Luckily, the principal overheard from her office and intervened, helping to soothe Kevin a bit. He was still not happy with me when I arrived (right on time!) though. Later, I explained to Kevin that I had been there on time, but he was released early. However, I promised to be there early from now on, so I would be there when he came out of the classroom area.  Yesterday, I was there, sitting on a bench in the front lobby, by 2:40.  When Kevin came out at 2:45, he ran to me with a great big smile!  The principal saw us and said hello, and asked if Kevin had "been tired" yesterday. I explained it was just all the new routines he had to adjust to, and she said, "I understand, Kevin; we all feel that way right now!"

Andrea has continued to have good days so far.  Kevin says each day is getting better. Every morning he has said he doesn't want to go, but so far, each day he's said it's getting easier.  He said he liked that they started doing "real work" yesterday. My interpretation of that is they have settled down into their classroom routine for the year which is exactly what Kevin needs. :)

Homework! 

Regarding homework, there has been some confusion. The kids misunderstand things, so communication between school and home gets a bit muddled sometimes. On the first day, Kevin had written "Read" in his agenda. I assumed that meant we should read a book together for homework, but he was adamant that they'd already done the reading at school, and he didn't have homework.  Later in the evening, I coaxed him to sit down and read 7 pages of a Hot Wheels book with me.  Once I got him to focus, and gave him lots of encouragement and praise, he amazed me!  He read most of the words by himself, including terms like "mountains" and "quickly."  This boy has amazing intellectual capacity; it's just getting past the autism behaviours to let his intelligence shine through that will always be a challenge! [By the way, a note exchange with his teacher confirmed that my interpretation of the homework assignment was correct.]

Last night, Andrea handed me her massive Grade 3 Mathematics book and informed me, "My home work is YOU have to read this whole thing." I was sure she misunderstood that, but she kept arguing with me, until I raised my voice and insisted, "Andrea, you're being ridiculous! I DO NOT have to read this WHOLE textbook! I'm sure your teacher just wants me to skim it, so I can be aware of what you'll be learning this year."  Once I had explained "skimming" to Andrea, she said, "Oh, that's what I meant." (Nice try, girlie! I love how she tries to backtrack on statements now.) Of course, in her agenda, the instructions read, "Look at math book." LOL

On top of this, there are so many forms to fill out for the first week of school! Ugh.  Then they have this weird policy where the youngest family member at the school brings home all important letters, forms, etc. Well, I figured some stuff was missing because it had been mentioned in the school newsletter, and I haven't received it.  This issue came up in the van this morning when Andrea and Kevin got into an argument over whose responsibility it was to bring these things home.  Kevin refused to be in charge of this, and admitted to not bringing some things home. In his mind, he's NOT the youngest; Ryan is, even if he doesn't go to Lassaline yet! So, I asked Andrea if she would be willing to speak to her teacher, explain the situation, and have all notes sent home with her. I'm also going to send a letter to their teachers on Monday.  Kevin's just not reliable for that responsibility, especially if he's set his mind against it!

I also have homework to do for Ryan. His communication book has information for me to fill out each night and morning about his eating, sleeping, mood, and any other items the SC therapists should be aware of.  I think this is a great idea, so it's there in writing, and they know what might be affecting his day. Eventually, I'll have other homework to do with Ryan, once they settle on an official learning program for him.  Right now, they are just getting reacquainted and reassessing him.

Domestic Goddess IN TRAINING

I won't go into too much detail here because I've been posting most of my personal stories on Facebook. Yes, I am still adjusting. I spend a lot more time perusing recipes and planning and making meals than most people probably have to do at this point, but keep in mind, I'm a total novice in that area despite nine years of marriage!  I am inordinately proud of any food product that turns out remotely well, and must take a picture of it and tell everyone about it because it is so unheard-of with me. LOL I also share my failures. I have to be honest, right?

I am still getting used to the schedule of getting the three kids ready for their respective schools, driving them in, and picking them up. (I wasn't as involved in that with my previous work schedule.)  I haven't quite found a rhythm to my days yet; I just do what needs to be done (laundry, dishes, tidying, etc.) at some point in the day. I'm overwhelmed by all the things I'd LIKE to do (cleaning closets, reorganizing toys, washing floors/walls/bathrooms/windows/furniture/rugs) that I don't know where to start. I think I'm going to wait a week or two on those until I get myself more used  to the new general schedule. 

Then there's still my adjustments to food and liquid intake and keeping up regular exercise.

Whew . . . The first week of the new school year is almost done, and we're surviving. ;)

Pre-STEPS Visit to Summit Centre

This morning I took Ryan into the Summit Centre to drop off some paperwork, give him a chance to become reacquainted with the Summit Centre, and let him experience some of the STEPS program with me by his side.

Remember, STEPS stands for "Specialized Teaching, Education, Partnership & Support." According to Summit Centre's website: "STEPS is our early intensive behavioural intervention program. Children initially receive five full days of one-on-one Applied Behaviour Analysis (ABA) treatment each week, year round. Individualized written programs are developed and carried out for each child at both the child’s home and The Summit Centre. In-home treatment promotes generalization of new skills to the home, and facilitates family involvement.  Programming is aimed at improving language and communication, social skills and play, cooperative behaviour, and independent living skills. The Summit Centre works with preschools, schools and other agencies to promote smooth transitions."

When we first showed up, Ryan was smiling and giggling on the walk up the driveway.  And when we entered the building, he was greeting everyone with a smile.  It was a positive start to the visit.  When we got into the front office, he wanted to wander around and go exploring. But I headed him down to the Blue Room where we would meet with Tara, who will be Ryan's senior therapist this year.

In the Blue Room, Ryan got into his usual antics, like trying to take things off people's work tables, and running out the adjoining door into the kitchen (he always used to do that!).  I directed him to the reinforcement cupboard, but he was more interested in running around the room and getting into other people's stuff!

When Tara joined us, we sat at the snack table and Ryan played with the old bobble-headed pop-up toy he used to like there.  He became quite excited by the bobble-heads and kept flinging their heads the whole time Tara and I chatted. 

Tara pointed out some of the people who will comprise Ryan's therapy "team."  I am so bad with names, but I recognized most of them from when we were there for Unity. I believe each child has a team of 6 therapists who take turns working with them on different days.  There is also one "lead" therapist among this group. 

Tara had a few more questions about Ryan's daily routine (like lunch and naps) which we hadn't experienced at Unity. It was nice that she still remembered a lot about him, though.  She also gave me a list of items that Ryan will need to bring with him for STEPS.

Then Ryan and I went to visit Helena, the executive director.  I had some paperwork to drop off and a few questions for her.  Ryan liked the chairs in Helena's office.  He kept climbing up on them and petting the upholstery!  Helena assured me that many of their kids like the chairs in her office.

We then headed back down the hallway to join the STEPS kids for snack time.  On the way, we paused to find Tara in the senior therapists' office, and had a little reunion visit with the other senior therapist, Laurie. When Laurie welcomed him, he immediately left my side and ran over to her, and put his arms up to be picked up!  She of course couldn't resist, and picked him right up, giving him lots of cuddles and tickles.  Ryan was all giggles and snuggles.  He must have remembered that Laurie always had great cuddles and tickles for him.  Laurie was pleased. She said that the only reason she's glad that she's NOT his senior therapist this time is because she can spoil him now, and it won't interfere with teaching! LOL

As we left the room, Jackie, the secretary, came down the hallway and Ryan went right over to her, grabbing at her legs and pulling in for a hug.  Jackie crouched down to get on his level, and he snuggled right in and kept putting his head on her shoulder.  I was laughing and saying, "He's trying to be cute and win everyone over!" and Jackie said, "Oh, he did that a long time ago!" :)

Then we went into the Blue Room to join the others for snack. However, I forgot to pack Ryan's food! D'oh! At least I brought a bottle.  So, they made a spot for us to join the other kids and their therapists.  Ryan was still giddy from all the attention he'd gotten from Laurie and Jackie, so he was silly and wiggly and giggly. He even had the hiccups!  Still, it was a good chance for many of the therapists who will be on his team to see him at snack time and learn a bit about him in person. He got several compliments on how cute he is and his gorgeous blue eyes, and my little flirt reveled in the attention.  However, he did need frequent reminders to stay in his chair and keep his hands off the other kids' snack items.

After snack, we joined the big group of STEPS kids for circle time.  Ryan was a little mad because I took his bottle away, and he wasn't done yet, but I wanted him to know when the therapists give the 2-minute warning and say, "Clean up," that snack time is over.  He settled a bit when Tara and I brought him over to the reinforcement cupboard to pick out a few items to keep him happy during circle time.  Ryan chose two old favourites:  a string of shiny beads and a spinning, light-up wand.

Circle time was a bit more challenging. It started out okay.  Ryan wanted the beads and the wand, but I wanted to use them as reinforcement, so I kind of had to put them aside until he needed them.  He was interested for the first few songs and activities.  I liked that the person leading circle (who, coincidentally, will be Ryan's team leader) included Ryan in some of the activities.  He got to "say" his name, pull a frog off a log, and move one of the activities on the task board to the "done" side.  However, Ryan was restless less than 10 minutes into circle. He started to fuss and try to squirm away.  He wasn't paying attention to the activities or songs unless I redirected him.  I tried to give him the beads and the wand to encourage "sitting nicely," but he pushed the wand away after awhile and started whipping the beads around so hard that I had to hold them down.  Then he got mad, of course.  But Tara said it was good to see what he can tolerate for now, so we can plan accordingly next week. 

So, on Tuesday, things will start slowly, but we have decided it would be best to put him in for a full day.  They are going to start him right in the Red Room with the others for his ABA work, but if it gets too overwhelming for him, they do have a single treatment room across the hall they can go to for awhile.  For circle time, he will probably only come in for the last 5 minutes or so, at first.  We've also decided to work in a nap time in the afternoon, around 1 PM, just see if/how long he'll sleep there.  And the senior therapists remember what kinds of things used to settle Ryan when he got upset. I also had to create an updated list of possible "reinforcements" for Ryan and the best ways to soothe him.

I look at the other children in the STEPS program and think, "Wow, Ryan has so far to go . . ." But then I keep in mind that some of these children have probably been here for almost a year or more (I remember seeing most of them when Ryan was in Unity), and we are just beginning.  Everyone seems very excited to work with Ryan.  I think they see, like I do, that he has so much potential! We just have to figure out the best way Ryan learns, the best way to teach him.

Overall, the visit was very positive.  Everyone was so welcoming of us, and seemed genuinely happy to have us back.  It was fun to see the reactions of people to how much Ryan has grown over the past 4 months (inches!), and to see Ryan reacting positively to them.  In fact, even though he flared up a bit during circle, Ryan went right to Tara and gave her hugs, too, when she bent down to wave bye-bye to him.  No, he's not a fan of the structured activities and the ABA, but I think he understands these people are here to help him.

Another positive was that Summit Centre executive staff had asked for a copy of Ryan's eligibility assessment--and consequent denial--report for Thames Valley Children's Centre's IBI program because they wanted to see for themselves the justification for his denial.  They have suggested that although it might not be possible for ME to request a review of the decision and another assessment, THEY may have the clout and connections to do so.  This is very interesting.  One of my goals for Ryan this year is to prove to Thames Valley that Ryan CAN benefit from intensive ABA treatment and make great progress in his skills.

Somewhat on a tangent here, but one more thing was interesting to me about our visit:  I was reunited with one of my former students there! She is a middle-aged lady from India who was in my English classes at St. Michael's. I didn't get a chance to ask her specifically, but I believe she was there either as a volunteer or on a student placement because she was helping with one of the boys at snack, and observed circle time, taking notes.  I remember her as a very kind-hearted lady and hard-working student.  Wouldn't that be neat if she is looking to work with children with special needs? I'd call that a St. Michael's success story. :)

Ryan's First Dentist Appointment and Kevin's Dental Update

Actually, this was Ryan's first "official" dentist appointment.  About a year or so ago, I had to take him in to get checked out because he bumped and slightly loosened a tooth.  (That turned out fine. It healed as if nothing happened). It was a good opportunity, then, for Ryan and our dentist to meet each other and learn a bit about each other. At that time, I had explained about Ryan's autism and developmental challenges. I was surprised to find out that one of our dentist's sons is on the autism spectrum, too! This makes our dentist, who's always been wonderful with the kids, especially sensitive to the needs of Kevin and Ryan.

Anyways, back to today. We had decided today would be Ryan's first official visit to Dr. Tony (his informal name) for a cleaning and check-up.  I was very nervous about this for several reasons:

• Ryan hates doctors.
• Ryan will not let me brush his teeth or look in his mouth.
• Ryan does not like to be reclined back.
• Ryan currently has a yucky cold which makes him more sensitive than usual.

Papa came along for extra support. I think that was a great idea because he was very calming and cheerful for Ryan.

Once we got Ryan into the examining chair, he started to get nervous.  The hygienist asked what the best procedure might be, showing him instruments and explaining things, or just getting right into it?  Seeing Ryan was nervous, and not paying much attention to her anyway, we said just to go for it. So, she showed him how the chair moved up and down, and leaned him back.  Right away, he started to shake and cry a bit, and grabbed a hold of Papa's hands with a vice-like grip!  I knew he wouldn't like that part!  He maintained his grip on Papa's hands while the hygienist gently put on the bib, got Ryan to lay back, and tried to take a look in his mouth.  She showed him the special toothbrush, but he cried out once or twice and clamped his mouth shut. She didn't want to upset Ryan too much, so she asked if we'd like to skip the cleaning and just have Dr. Tony come in and take a look. We agreed.

This was a good plan. Dr. Tony was busy finishing with another patient, so Papa and I had a few minutes to sit with Ryan and calm him. We kept him reclined, so he'd get used to it.  Ryan was still gripping Papa's hands, but he started to relax.  I was massaging his legs, and Papa was massaging his hands, and Ryan liked that. We kept talking to him reassuringly, and he started to seem more curious than anxious.

Then Dr. Tony came in and talked to Ryan about looking in his mouth.  He was so patient and gentle!  I don't know how he did it, but he managed to get Ryan to open his mouth a bit a few times.
Yes, it helped that Ryan let out one or two brief cries, and Dr. Tony got a good peek in.  But he didn't force Ryan to do anything. He managed to get the little mirror in once or twice to peek at Ryan's back teeth, and even got his fingers in Ryan's mouth a few times.  He showed Ryan the little air hose and put a few puffs on Ryan's arms (and in his armpit!) to make him giggle.

After the examination, he picked Ryan up and gave him a cuddle, lots of praise, and then walked Ryan over to pick a prize out of the treasure chest.  Ryan was more interested in the dental items on a nearby shelf! We had a laugh over that, and gave him a toothbrush.  Then Dr. Tony picked him up on his knee to see into the treasure chest.  What did Ryan do? His put his head on Dr. Tony's shoulder and gave him a big hug! It was so sweet!

Papa took Ryan out to the waiting room while Dr. Tony and I chatted. He said Ryan's teeth are very healthy: no cavities or other issues. Yay! He had some good suggestions for slowly making Ryan more comfortable with a tooth brush and dental examinations, like giving him a toothbrush just to chew on, or wiping his mouth out with a cloth (like I did with the kids when they were babies). He also really emphasized it's important not to push Ryan, or distress him, because we don't want him to be totally against dental interventions.  (I really saw that today in how he and his staff handled Ryan's appointment. It was perfect.)  He's really happy that Ryan has such a healthy diet and prefers milk; I guess it's one blessing of his limited food preferences because he doesn't eat much sugary food.  However, he would like us to try introducing a little more water after milk or meals, just to rinse off the teeth.

We decided that Ryan's next appointment will be with the other kids (in 9 months--dental coverage, you know), so he can watch his brother and sister and see what they do.  Maybe watching them will encourage him to participate more (both Andrea and Kevin are good at the dentist's). We will try again next time to do a cleaning, but again, we won't force the issue.  If Ryan should have any tooth problems when we see Dr. Tony again, and Ryan's still not comfortable with the basic procedures, Dr. Tony will refer him to a pediatric dentist who specializes in helping anxious/special needs children. 

Overall, it was a great appointment, thanks to the gentleness and understanding of Dr. Tony and his wonderful staff!

***
On a similar note, speaking of the pediatric specialist dentist, Kevin had to get some work done this week at Dr. Young's.  After his and Andrea's check-up with Dr. Tony last week, they discovered Kevin has a tooth condition similar to one Andrea had around his age, too. Basically, some of their back molars have fissures/pits in them. It's not exactly cavities, and it's not due to poor dental hygiene.  It's something the dentist actually suspects happened as their tooth buds developed in utero. It makes these teeth more vulnerable to cavities and other future issues, so it's better to treat them proactively. So, a year or so ago, Andrea was referred to Dr. Young and got a special sealant applied to two or three of her back teeth, and one got a silver cap as well. Now, Kevin was referred to Dr. Young for the same reason, and went yesterday and got the sealant treatment on three of his back teeth. He did great! Of course, it helped that he was prescribed some relaxation medication to take before the appointment, and got nitrous oxide during the procedure.  He also got to watch Phineas and Ferb on a little screen while they did the procedure. Andrea remembers that she got to watch Spongebob when she got her teeth done.  LOL I guess those are the bonus amenities at the pediatric specialist's office.

Kevin will be going back in December for a follow-up because one of his back teeth is not quite through yet, so Dr. Young wasn't sure if that one will need treatment, too. We have to wait till it comes in.

She also noted that Kevin has several loose teeth, and she could see on x-ray the ones ready to push through soon.  I think the tooth fairy should get ready to make frequent trips to our house!

By the way, she did note the one tooth that fell out a long time ago and how the new one hasn't come through yet.  As I suspected, it's one that Kevin bumped a few years ago, and it fell out prematurely a few months ago. It's not hurting anything; he'll just continue to have a gap for a while, because that tooth's not ready to come in anytime soon. ;)

Big Changes Ahead: Taking the Road Less Traveled

The Road Not Taken

 

Two roads diverged in a yellow wood,

And sorry I could not travel both

And be one traveler, long I stood

And looked down one as far as I could

To where it bent in the undergrowth;

 

Then took the other, as just as fair,

And having perhaps the better claim,

Because it was grassy and wanted wear;

Though as for that the passing there

Had worn them really about the same,

And both that morning equally lay

In leaves no step had trodden black.

Oh, I kept the first for another day!

Yet knowing how way leads on to way,

I doubted if I should ever come back.

I shall be telling this with a sigh

Somewhere ages and ages hence:

Two roads diverged in a wood, and I—

I took the one less traveled by,

And that has made all the difference.

 

By Robert Frost (1874–1963)

 



Well, as if Roux-en-Y Gastric Bypass isn’t a big enough change in my life this summer, I have had another big decision to make, too.   

 

When Rod and I were on our way home from my surgery consult in Toronto, in mid-June, he asked me, “Do you like your job? Would you be less stressed out if you didn’t have to work?” 

 

Of course, I was totally thrown by this unexpected question, and took a few minutes to respond. 

 

 “Yes, I do like teaching and love being a teacher,” I said, “but it definitely adds some stress to my life sometimes.” 

 

“Well,” said Rod, “I don’t want you to get have that ‘flame-out’ thing or whatever happen to you.”

 

I laughed. “I think you mean ‘care-giver burnout’,” I corrected him.

 

He said, “I just wonder of you’d have a lot less stress if you didn’t have to work.  I want you to know that if you want to, you can stop working, anytime.  My income is enough to take care of everything.”

 

Again, I took several minutes to collect my thoughts after this unexpected pronouncement.

 

"Work can be stressful,” I said. “And I have thought, and said, in my blogs and stuff, how nice it would be if I could just put all my focus on the boys’ needs. Well, the family as a whole. I have felt guilty over the past few years that I just haven’t been able to do enough for everyone, but especially in terms of Ryan’s therapies and programs.  Then again, I would also be stressed out if I wasn’t working because I would be worried about money, and plans we have. I also don’t know HOW to be a stay-at-home mom. It would be a big change, a huge adjustment in my life.”

 

So, we talked in detail about our financial status: debts, savings, RSPs, RESPs, RDSPs, insurance, medical coverage, etc.  I explained to Rod why I have fears about not having my own income.  We talked about what in our lifestyle and future plans would have to change:  what I’d do when I need to buy something for myself or the kids; how Rod will have to retire a few years later than he’d originally planned; waiting a few more years for a new car; how we won’t be able to do the major home renovations or put in the pool like we’d always planned.  Rod feels his income is sufficient to keep the family stable as it is now, with some of our luxuries cut off; and he explained that his earning potential is only going to grow in the coming years, so there are no worries on that count.

 

We talked about how our roles would change, too.  Naturally, my focus would be the home and the family.  Rod’s one big emphasis is that I would have to start cooking supper again.  I assured him that with the post-operative changes to my diet, home-made, healthy meals would become imperative anyways.  Things might be unpalatable at first, but I would have the time to learn to cook!

 

I think the timing of Rod’s proposal is interesting.  I received a letter from the school board informing me that I am a “supernumerary teacher,” meaning that due to my place on the board’s seniority list, I may be either laid off or moved to another school next year.  (In fact, half our staff of 11 got supernumerary or layoff notices.  It was mind-boggling.)   Furthermore, St. Michael’s is always under threat of closure, since the Board is not mandated by the province to run our school.  We could be closed at any time.   

 

I know I would not want to work anywhere else except with the adult students at St. Michael’s.

 

Things at St. Michael’s are changing, too.  The Board announced they are taking away our Vice Principal next year. We will not have one. Our current student secretary is also retiring, and they are replacing her with someone who will only be in 3-4 days a week.  This is outrageous.  Not to mention the possible staff layoffs as mentioned earlier, separating our wonderful, close-knit staff.

 

After running all this through my mind, I’ve decided to accept Rod’s offer. Technically, I have applied to the school board for an unpaid leave of absence for one year. I'm nervous about cutting all ties entirely until I know we can handle this major lifestyle change. However, I have yet to hear from the school board regarding the request, and if they do not honour it, I will resign my position.

 

I feel like now is the time to leave.  It will give me the time to focus on myself after surgery and the big lifestyle changes that come with that.  It will give me time to focus on Kevin, to ensure he has a smooth transition into grade 1. I also like the idea of finally being more involved in Andrea’s school experience: being able to participate in field trips, attend her concerts and assemblies, etc.

 

It will give me the time to focus on Ryan, too, as we move forward with the Summit Centre. Because, yes, we’ve had great news there!  Ryan starts their STEPS daycare program on September 3 and 5, and will be going full-time starting September 9. This program has hours that would interfere with my work hours. It also has parent participation requirements that I would not be able to take time from work to fulfill. The STEPS program has a home-day once a week—Thursdays—that I would have needed to be home for anyways.  There are also mandatory observation days where parents go in with their children for the day and watch the therapists implement the child’s program. Furthermore, I'll have more time to dedicate to doing monthly STEPS homework and implementing Ryan's ABA program at home. Unfortunately, I have seen regression in Ryan since we finished Unity, making it all too clear that he is a child who needs daily, intensive ABA therapy for continued progress.

 

Of course, I do have concerns about not working. I wonder if I will go crazy by myself, at home.  I know I will miss teaching—a lot!  I worry that I won’t live up to Rod’s expectations as “head cook and bottle washer” (although I warned him to be patient—there will be a MAJOR adjustment period!).  It will be awkward not having my “own” money.

 

One thing I also worry about is what people will think.

 

I know many people in our family are so proud of me being a teacher.  I feel like I might be disappointing them by suddenly ending my career.  I also fear that people will judge me as being weak or lazy, taking the easy way out. They might even see me as a failure, unable to handle both career and family, as so many others manage to do. Maybe I even feel a bit this way about myself.

 

Of course the legacy of Aunt Julie is on my mind, too. I’ve always marvelled at how much we’ve had in common, and tried to make her proud.  But part of me hopes she would understand what I’m going through.  If she had lived to mother her children on the Autism spectrum, I’m sure she would have done anything, made any sacrifices, to ensure they had happy lives and reached their fullest potential.  I don’t know if she would have given up teaching for them. Maybe she would have been strong enough to do it all.  I hope she wouldn’t be disappointed by my decision.

 

I guess I'm not the "Supermom" everyone thinks I am.  I'm human.

 

Thus, The Road Not Taken has suddenly become a major metaphor in my life.  I never saw this divergence coming.  I don't know what's around the bend.  I don't know what regrets I may have by choosing this unexpected path, but I also don't know what blessing may come my way.  I'll wonder what would have happened if I stayed on the one path, and I'll worry over the unfamiliar territory I'm about to explore on my new path. 

 

 

"It may be when we no longer know what to do, we have come to our real work, and that when we no longer know which way to go, we have begun our real journey."
Wendell Berry